HOW TO DEAL WITH LOSING A LOVED ONE

I’m writing this exactly after an hour from receiving the news about my uncle’s (dad’s own brother) passing. For the first few minutes, my body felt numb, my heart started beating really quickly and it felt like the world was spiralling around me. I don’t think anything in life can be as scary and terrifying as death. Dealing with a loved one’s death can never be expressed fully. I feel helpless, heart broken, incomplete and emotional. How can I feel all of these emotions at the same time? Is something wrong with me?

My uncle has been fighting the battle of cancer for over seven years now. He was diagnosed with throat cancer at the beginning for which he received treatment and recovered. But the battle with cancer is brutal. It kept attacking and he kept fighting it. One fine day, the doctors informed us that there was no hope. It’s only a matter of few weeks. Of course, my uncle did not give up. With his extreme willpower and positivity, he proved all of them wrong by surviving for more than a year.

My uncle considered me one of his daughters. He has four daughters, but whenever people ask him, he always tells them it’s five. He couldn’t speak after his throat surgery but he always wrote on a paper or book that “God has blessed me with five daughters”.

He has always praised me; always boosted me. He taught me how to have the qualities of perseverance and willpower. He encouraged me to follow my passions and dreams. He always spoke highly of me. He uplifted me every single time I doubted myself. It’s only because of his pure love, positivity and optimism that I felt confident in myself.

I don’t think I ever felt low or sad in his presence. He has always been the kind of light that I needed. His love for me was unconditional. There was no reason to love me so much or to be that fond of me. But he showed me how a few relations don’t have to be fully defined. You don’t have to be someone’s actual daughter to receive unconditional love. He showed me that I was loved and I was special to him, no matter what. I know I’ll always be special to my parents, my husband and my friends. But knowing that I was special even to my uncle, and the fact that he thought about me and spoke about me everyday with the people around me, makes me feel like I’m the luckiest girl in the entire world. Not everyone is blessed to receive such beautiful and meaningful love. I now know that sometimes you can love people only for what they are and for their mere existence. Even if that person has done no act of service for you, you are still allowed to love them. Love doesn’t have to be defined or justified. You can just choose to love someone only because you appreciate their existence. Knowing that he simply loved me because I’m me makes it ten times harder to cope with his loss.

So coming to the main aspect of this article..how do you deal with losing a loved one? I wish the answer to this question was simple, but it’s really not. It’s never easy to fully recover and heal because you will always carry memories and parts of them with you. We are all human beings with real emotions. We all have a million little emotions that are constantly changing and fluctuating. We’re all connected to each other through our beautiful souls. Of course, you cannot expect to heal from this soul connection. It’s just not possible.

What is definitely possible with this is to BE GRATEFUL. To feel BLESSED. To feel LOVED. There are more than 8 billion people in the World today, but God chose him to be your uncle. You could simply not have known him. You could simply not have been his daughter or have any kind of connection to him. But somehow, God put him in your life because he knows you need a person like him to inspire you. He knows that this person is the only one who will show you how your existence is enough. He knows that he’s going to show you how to never give up in life. He’s the only one who will show you that hardships, pain and suffering are common in life and they’ll keep coming. But, your mindset defines whether those sufferings have any power over you. Even with tremendous pain and body weakness, my uncle used to write “I’ll be fine. I know I’ll survive.” It takes guts to believe in yourself and tell your loved ones you’ll be fine when you’re going through that much pain. It takes huge amounts of willpower and strength to not believe what the doctors say. I still remember vividly when the first time everybody in the family broke down. They all said that it was a matter of few days only. But, with his willpower and determination to fight this disease, he managed for a few more months. This wouldn’t have been possible if he hadn’t been receiving all the love from everyone. Not everyone can fight like him. Not everyone can be that strong and positive about cancer. But, he showed me that “where there’s a will, there’s a way”. You only need to convince yourself and create your own narrative. You only need to push through and believe in yourself even when the reality is quite different. It’s definitely not easy. But, it’s also not impossible.

In conclusion, I want to say that maybe my uncle left us. Maybe he isn’t present here physically anymore. But his soul is always watching over us. His soul is always connected to all of us. His soul can NEVER die. His memories with us will never fade away. His love and his support will never leave me. His lessons will never be forgotten. His advice on life and his wisdom about the world will always be stuck with me. He showed me what unconditional love is. He showed me how you can love someone simply because you decide to love them. And this I will cherish forever.

My heart is full, as I truly believe he is reading this and smiling. I feel grateful that he’s my uncle. I feel blessed that he and I spent quality time together. I’m happy that God decided to make him my uncle. I’m lucky that I’m his daughter. I’m privileged to receive his love, willpower and optimism. I’m inspired to inspire more people because of him.

I love you, Pednaana. I’ll miss seeing you smile, but I know that I’ll always have your blessings. I’ll always feel connected to you and I’ll always look up to you.

My uncle with his five daughters (I’m the one wearing the black coat)!